Category Archives: Birth Place

August in Mzansi

August is Women’s Month here in South Africa and we have just celebrated National Women’s Day on 9 August.

Finding home again in this land of my birth, I have spent a little time reflecting on why the need for a day, a whole month even, to celebrate women. My bestie reckons every day should be women’s day and he is right. But then I do wonder if these ‘days’ provide a good time to pause and consider the theme of that ‘day’. For example, we acknowledge Lions on 10 August and Elephants on 12 August. Actually I love that these two species’ ‘days’ fall in Women’s Month. A chance to champion Matriarchs and Lionesses in all their wisdom and fierceness!

My ponderings this August have largely centred around my femininity and how I feel about being a woman in the world today. I realise this is an incredibly personal experience and I am only speaking for myself in what I am relating here.

My femininity is something I have never struggled with. I am innately feminine despite many interests perceived as more masculine in nature.

Feminism, on the other hand, is something I have struggled with over the years. I should not struggle with the concept of Feminism, right? With the definition as ‘the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of gender equality’, what is there to struggle with?

I suppose part of it comes down to that human failing of taking things to extremes. Our quest as a species for equality and balance seems a constant challenge. So, where perhaps many others have been faced with toxic masculinity in their early life experience, I have come into contact more with toxic femininity labelled as feminism.

Not in my family, please understand. I have the most phenomenal of female role models amongst my relatives and I could not be more overwhelmed with gratitude to my mom, sister, grannies, great grannies, aunts and cousins for their love, support and ‘sisterhood’.

Female friendships are what I have found difficult over the years. Being part of a group of girls always seemed complicated with lots of mind games I was not cut out for. That stuff utterly perplexed me, still does. I wear my heart on my sleeve and so was totally out of my depth in this ‘mean girls’ world. As a result, most of my closest friends growing up were male.

What I am learning is that much of the negative experience around female friendships is born from trauma and disillusionment with society’s expectations of us as females. I think many of us have repeated, unconscious societal messages that pit us against one another instead of fostering kindness and compassion and embracing each other in our shared feminine experience. More recently, as I have started to delve into the concept of ‘Sisterhood’, I am beginning to realise the magic that lies here. The first time I was really intrigued by the Sisterhood concept was in reading The Awakened Woman: remembering & reigniting our sacred dreams by Dr Tererai Trent. I am currently working through the book again, this time as an audiobook which is read by the author. The beautiful African lilt of her voice makes experiencing this book an extra special experience. Dr Tererai has a whole section of her book talking through the power of female friendships and forming a sacred sisterhood.

Sisterhood
the feeling of kinship with and closeness to a group of women, an association, society, or community of women linked by a common interest

I have become aware that my strong bond with the females of my family is a form of Sisterhood. I have also become aware that I have stumbled into a Sisterhood of women in Conservation – our love of Wild truly connects us. I think to some extent it is that shared trauma and disillusionment with society’s expectations of us as females that I mentioned previously that connects us. I started trying to list the names of these phenomenal women I recognise as part of this Sisterhood. I lost count. Wow, what a privilege! How is this my life!? To be aligned with these ecowarriors, to know their names, to have shared the road, to have spent time fireside under starry African skies, to have belly laughed and ugly cried together in our shared Sisterhood is a beyond-words honour.

And on top of all this, I have my Anam Ċara (Soul-friend) Sisterhood….

Anam Ċara is a Celtic phrase that loosely translates as “soul friend.” It describes a sacred relationship that is founded in connection, authenticity, trust and respect….. a Celtic philosophy….. that two souls that experience a unique and deeply personal connection will be stronger together than they are apart.”

So this month of August here in Mzansi, I am full of love and gratitude for all the amazing women in my life – my Sisterhood. I am thankful for what it means for me to be a woman in my world. It is safe and full of love and care unlike the female experience of so many other women in this world. I am also aware in appreciation for the wonderful men in my life and how they are just as much a part of this celebration as my Sisterhood. I see you all. I am because We are.

One Year Home

View of Mariepskop from Hoedspruit Happy Place

Many moons have passed since she sat on that rocky outcrop high on the Drakensberg Escarpment overlooking Limpopo province. Flat top Mariepskop to her right. The Blyde River below snaking its way into the distance to join the Olifants River and finally meander through Kruger towards the sea. The lowveld with its mixed Combretum woodland stretched out to the horizon prickly with wild energy like only this pure space can.

A Yellow-billed Hornbill calls from a nearby bushwillow while a Fork-tailed Drongo hawks for insects. In the distance the soft haunting song of an Emerald-spotted Wood dove. Down in the valley near the river a Purple-crested Turaco croaks out its familiar song. Then an identifiable alarm call as a Jackal Buzzard wings its way down the escarpment. In the distance to her left Cape Vultures circle the thermals on high, not straying too far from the colony on the cliff face this time.

This is her Hoedspruit happy place. A pure wild space that feels like home. She is grounded here, in tune with the bushveld rhythms. She is comfortably alone in this place of soul solace as she contemplates a decision that will change her life course completely.

As the afternoon draws on dark blue-gray clouds gather on the horizon. Eventually a breeze picks up bringing the distinctive scent of the storm on its way. Then the thunder starts to rumble and the lightning to flash. She is not too worried the weather will dampen her afternoon as her spot sits in a bit of a rain shadow. In the end just a few drops to cool the late afternoon as the sun westers. Her last night in this magical haven brings a close encounter with an uncomfortable troop of baboon trying to find a resting place amongst the rocks for the night. They and she have heard a leopard’s distinctive hoarse vocalisation close by.

It is so alive here, this place. It is so wild here, this place. Her Wild Heart will always be drawn back. She is connected mind, body, soul to the Spirit of this place.

On the bus back to Jo’burg later the next day, she knows what needs to happen next. She is filled with a resolve that surprises her a little. She will leave her homeland following the opportunity that has been presented to her. She will go. She will see the world. She will remain open to any and all possibility. She will let go of the only dream she ever really had to see what chance would bring.

A few months later she boarded a plane bound for the land of the long white cloud. This journey of years unlocked her wandering spirit. Her wandering took her to many incredible places and she was indeed privileged to see and experience the world – its good, its bad, its ugly, its bitter and its sweet.

As the years passed, the dream she let go of that day never left her. At times it was dormant. At times a gentle nudge “don’t forget me”. Then slowly but surely it surfaced again with a calm and quiet yet persistent “you are ready to go home”.

A year ago she got back on a plane. This time bound for home, for Mama Africa. During the many hours in those metal tubes flying above the clouds she remembered back to that day in her Hoedspruit happy place. And so she makes the same deal with the universe, to remain open to any and all possibility.

A year ago she arrived home to a beautiful welcome from everyone – the guy at passport control, her tribe, her family, complete strangers who embody the spirit of ubuntu innate to most humans in this part of the world. Even the African Wilds seemed to welcome her back with its soul solace embrace. That first night back in bush proper, this time in magical Zululand, will live in her memory always for its sights, sounds and smells. The sensory overload of homecoming.

In the year that has been since coming home, she realised why she had to leave and why it took so long to be ready to come home. She has come home knowing who she is, now understanding her Wild Heart in a way that means she can fully appreciate what it is to be given her dream back and what it has cost her.

The universe’s gift in this homecoming has been authenticity. To author a life where she can live from a place of love, not fear. To do the shadow work in a geography that reconnects her deeply to who she really is and so can keep working towards her great purpose. A place of love to learn her life’s lessons. A place of love to genuinely connect with her tribe and soul family. All under glorious African Sky Blue.

One year home….. and now,,,, new dreams, new adventures await…. 🖤

Sunshine Reflected

What follows is one of the hardest things I’ve been nudged to write and share so far.

These are some of the lyrics from a song in the Disney movie Mulan – the 2020 live action version:

I am now
In a world where I
Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What’s inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don’t know?
Must I pretend that I’m
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

Matthew Wilder | David Joel Zippel

Heard this song again recently and these words floored me. Cathartic* tears flowed. With these tears a wave of freedom and relief washed over me. An absolute realisation that I am making progress on my life’s journey. I have never really had any sense of this growth before.

I think I am finally beginning to see my reflection showing who I am inside.

I know I strive for evolution, for development, for forward movement in my personal growth. I know I set big expectations for myself and the kind of person I want to Be. But it always seems an endless road, a winding, twisty track through seemingly impassable mountains and in a thick mist so I can never tell if I’m making headway (or heart-way, in my case).

So I repeat… I think I am finally beginning to see my reflection showing who I am inside.

The ‘who I am inside’ is this Beautiful Soul.
She is Sunshine personified.
She is deeply connected to Nature, its rhythms and cycles.
She is highly intuitive.
She is a Creative.
She is neither ‘too much’ nor ‘not enough’.
She is kind, courageous and compassionate.
One of her gifts is creating a nurturing, empathic space where Loved Ones find safety and find soul solace.
Her Heart is Wild.
She comes alive in Mama Africa’s wild spaces where her Spirit wanders free but is never lost.
She is tenacious, feisty and fun to be with.
She is the Little Miss Sunshine her mother called her as a child.
She loves fiercely but lightly – a complete paradox.

Her shadow side is sensitive and struggles with equanimity. She has absorbed false messages over the years of “too much emotionally”, “emotional rollercoaster” “too smart”, “high maintenance”, “too independent”, “too needy” and “unlovable drama queen”. At the same time she has also received the message of “not enough” in many ways. In her fear of rejection she will cling on for dear life, singular in her focus to prove she is worthy of love and acceptance. She will twist and contort herself to be who she thinks she should be based on the perceived expectations of others. So counter-productive, this leads to overwhelm for both her as well as the object of her love.

My growth journey is seeking balance. To take the best parts of the paradox of loving fiercely while also learning to love lightly. This can only happen in authenticity. In giving myself permission to be the ‘who I am inside’.

So how has this realisation of progress on this journey come about?

A year ago I set out on an adventure to return to my homeland. For a short time or more permanently, I had no idea. I just knew it was time to come home. On the plane journey back to South Africa, I made a deal with the Universe that I would remain open to any and all possibility. That I would Trust in the Universe to guide this homecoming. That I would allow ‘who I am inside’ to show up and connect me to this next chapter.

I have already shared in previous blog posts from 2022 what eventuated from this year of Trust as I showed up openly and authentically in this time of homecoming. In the course of the year, I made so many incredible connections. Beautiful Souls who I have been privileged to meet and spend time with – my anam ċara (soul-friends). In showing up as ‘who I am inside’, I have had this Sunshine side of myself reflected back at me in countless human encounters. These encounters may have been mere moments or the start of lifelong friendship, even reconnection from past life. My heart is so full of gratitude for these genuine connections, especially my besties who have really challenged me in recent weeks to lean into some of my imbalances with kindness and compassion. Thankful for the pure space opened up in the Spirit of Ubuntu. And now also grateful for how I have been able to see myself reflected in this pure space of genuine connection.

‘Who I am inside’ has been quietly showing up along the way even when I thought I had locked her away safe behind the walls of ego. She shows up in my writing more often than my ego would like, I think 😊 In building up the courage to write this piece, I went back and read through previous posts. A few stand out to me now as being quite inspired considering when they were originally written. Linking to them here to add a little more context to this very raw and honest post about the ‘who I am inside’.

Candy-striped Sneakers

Period Poverty

The Conservationist

Wild October

My Charmed Life

2023 is my year of Light and Love, the next steps on my growth journey. To find balance in how I love, but also to embrace the ‘who I am inside’ and finally allow her to Be Loved Just As She Is.

Finding the courage to write and share this has been such an act of vulnerability as well as a renewed commitment to that deal with the Universe – remaining open to any and all possibility.

Do I think I have found my way through the mist to the top of the mountain? No way! But I do know with absolutely certainty that I am on the right track and I will stay true to my path.

I am putting this part of my Story out there in the hope it finds its intended audience. I truly believe my growth journey of trying to make sense of my place in the world is not unique. It is part of the human experience. We are all on our own quest for love and belonging. I sincerely hope these words come across your path if you need them. Please share this post with anyone you sense may need to read these words.

May you find hope, encouragement, inspiration and a peace of spirit for your own journey. May you realise that your ‘who I am inside’ is precious and beautiful and if you let that version of you see the light of day, ‘who I am inside’ will be reflected back at you in all their glory. Pure Love. Just Love.

This is what our sad world needs so desperately – Pure Love. Just Love. 🖤

*I love the word ‘cathartic’. It has the same Ancient Greek origin as my given name – Cathryn – relating to ‘pure’ and ‘clean’. I also love how the meaning in our modern use is connected to emotional release. As a Cancerian (sun, moon and rising sign!) and an Enneagram Type Four I am extremely emotionally driven. This part of my character continues to prove my greatest strength but also my biggest weakness (and growth area). Love 💖& Light ✨

Dreams Do Come True

Going to start by saying dreams really do come true.

It has been a while since I posted here. In this post from January – Adventure Awaits – I set an intention for 2022, this year of my dreams. Here is what I wrote:

A little post to share some big plans for 2022. It is time to focus on my passion project – Pure Spaces Education. Launched a year ago, my goal this year is to begin the journey from passion project to purposeful career. For more on this please see my latest blog post on the Pure Spaces website – Anticipation. I hope to keep the Pure Spaces blog updated during the year as adventures planned and unplanned unfold. So there won’t be many posts here at this stage. However, I will still keep posting images that inspire me along the way on Instagram @dragonfly.travelling. So please do follow me there for a peek into my 2022 adventures. Adventure awaits and hope floats 💚

I am floored reading all this through again in the context of the last nine months! Let me bring you up to speed…..

The first few months of 2022 turned out incredibly stressful with all my best laid plans for adventuring back to my homeland faced some substantial obstacles. And unlike my usual behaviour I had no plan B. My resilience and sense of hope were certainly tested during this time. But I was following my Dreaming Practice. These dreams for the year and beyond were carefully written and safely stored in my Dream Tin…. And so I tried to keep the faith that I was on the right path.

I arrived back in South Africa at the start of May to an unexpectedly warm welcome from the immigration official that left me sobbing with gratitude and relief. I was welcome home.

Then I went to Durban to meet up with one of the most incredible humans I am honoured to call my friend – Carla Geyser. I am utterly grateful to the Universe for our paths crossing. So much of what has eventuated these past months as dreams come true is due to being part of Carla’s tribe.

We spent all of May on the Rise of the Matriarch expedition, what I am now calling my Magical Month of May. Lots of reflections on this magic on the Pure Spaces blog:

ROTM 2022 – Genuine Connection

ROTM 2022 – Nyalazi Magic

ROTM 2022 – Phinda & Pangolins

ROTM 2022 – Kosi Culture

ROTM 2022 – Tembe Time

ROTM 2022 – Bittersweet Pongola

ROTM 2022 – Bees, Trees & Ellies

ROTM 2022 – Lycaon pictus

ROTM 2022 – Grace of Education

ROTM 2022 – Tracks Less Travelled

ROTM 2022 – Magic Mapungubwe

ROTM 2022 – Limpopo Love

This phenomenal Journey with Purpose was followed by three months completing a wildlife conservation research internship based on Karongwe Private Game Reserve near my Hoedspruit Happy Place.

Much of my reflection about those months at the GVI Limpopo base goes around Coexistence. But there was more to it in the end. This is what I wrote in those last days of the internship in my family and friends update:

What a rollercoaster these past months have been. I was so ready going into this to keep my armour in place. To matter-of-factly get what I needed from this internship and experience. I knew I would struggle with the communal living. I knew I would struggle with constant noise and other people’s energy interfering with my equilibrium. This last bit landed up being even harder than I anticipated. But what I realise now sitting here and reflecting back on the past months is that this place broke me open in a way I have not been exposed, probably since childhood. The most real version of me made a very rare appearance in all its too-muchness, in all its weirdness. I have danced again, I have sung again. I have belly laughed and ugly cried. And, you know what? I am okay. Nobody rejected me, nobody hurt me in my vulnerability. In fact, quite the opposite. I have made soul connections here I certainly did not see coming. Because it seems this particular environment means true colours shine through and true humanity is based on kindness and compassion when we are most raw and most vulnerable. I have learned so much about myself, again. About further developing resilience at your most vulnerable. About genuine connection. A reminder that no matter how much along the path of personal growth and awareness you think you are, the journey is never done.

Not to mention all the absolutely mind-blowing wildlife encounters and pure wild space sojourns I was privileged to experience during this time in lovely Limpopo.

As if this year could not hold more adventure, I then got to spend September on two separate road trips with Anam Cara (soul friends).

The first with an unexpected kindred spirit…. One of those letting it happen moments. We both took a chance on sharing the road from north Kruger to KZN and it turned out to be exactly what each of us needed. Two old souls (and extreme birding nerds 😊) who have finally met in this life…. to be continued…

The second adventure was a long-expected reunion tour to the Kgalagadi Transfrontier Park fifteen years later….one of those making it happen moments. We had talked and planned this adventure so many times only to have some reason it could not work, even to the very last minute this time round. But we got there and it was magical and breath-taking in every way. We laughed and cried as we wandered down our memories. We laughed and cried as new memories were made. Our firm friendship established fifteen years ago, confirmed and strengthened by a return to where it all magically started.

Lots of highlights shared on Instagram for both these glorious September Wanderings.

My heart is full. My cup runneth over. All I have related in this post so far speak to Dream 2 – Wellness and Dream 3 – Belonging in my Dream Tin coming true.

I am writing this story in a reflection moment forced on me by those challenges that life throws your way from time to time. But I am grateful to have this time in a peaceful spot in my hometown surrounded by precious family. Remember that whole thing about the balance between making things happen and letting them happen?

And so to Dream 1 – Home. So much of the detail of this dream goes around what I wrote about in my Pure Spaces blog post – Anticipation.

“2022 is about starting the journey of progressing Pure Spaces from passion project to purposeful career. So no more day job for me. Throwing this Big Dream out to the universe.”

That purposeful career I was dreaming of is taking shape right here in Mzansi. From October I will be working for an organisation at the forefront of wildlife conservation in Africa. An organisation I have long admired and fan-girled over. I am beyond thrilled at this opportunity. It means I am directly contributing to the Conservation Collective I have been on the periphery of for so long. It means I get to resettle here in my homeland at the coalface of the boots-on-the-ground wildlife conservation work I have been so passionate about since childhood. It means I get to be close to my tribe of free spirits and Anam Cara so further adventuring can occur. It means my soul soars and my heart sings.

Dreams do come true.

But is it all rosy and easy, this dreaming lark? Most definitely not. There are some things you have to understand going into this practice. I wrote a bit about it in the first blog on Pure Spaces

“In the Okavango I learned about paradox. I learned about unconditional love. I learned that the sweet always comes with the bitter and vice versa. I learned that we cannot have it any other way or we would never grow. It is the Nature of existence.”

I wrote about it again in a recent Instagram post for Heritage Day –

Happy Heritage Day, Mzansi 🖤 Looking through recent pics to choose one for this post I catch my breath and tears well…. I have always felt a deep connection to this land where I was born. My incredibly privileged life’s journey has taken me many places around the world, but to have returned and reconnected with the pure wild spaces of my natural heritage these past months is a gift beyond expression…. the open roads that go ever on, the big skies, the light and colour that shift mood and magic each moment of the day, the unfathomable night sky, the hum of life everywhere you go, abundant birds, bugs and beasties – wild energy prickles all around, beautiful people with open hearts and generous spirits…. the bitterness of the struggle that is living here awakes your soul to the sweetness of what it means to be living in the spirit of Ubuntu…. my free spirit soars here like nowhere else 🖤

I think the Big Dreams we have come with a price. The price is letting go of all you think you can control. The price is vulnerability. The price is being willing to be broken open and your raw humanity exposed. The price is trust in a benevolent universe. All of these only Ego will see as a price. Your heart and soul will see it differently….. growth and connection and freedom…. So if you’re willing to risk it…. Dream 🖤

Heritage

I have been reflecting on Heritage a lot this month. Heritage can be defined as something transmitted by or acquired from a predecessor, something possessed as a result of one’s natural situation or birth or simply, tradition.

As yet another Covid-19 lockdown forces me and mine into this weird isolation and I think about how to fill my time, I have baked and cooked and begun traditional prep of Christmas a lot earlier than I normally would. This is me falling back on family heritage, tapping into inherited ritual and tradition to help me feel anchored at this time of ongoing uncertainty.

Granny Sybil’s famous Christmas Mince.

I have been teaching online for the past 6 weeks or so. When I think about the legacy of the Covid-19 pandemic and its affect on this generation I worry about what they’ve inherited. Is it okay to spend this much time “online” to learn, to work, to socialise? While I can see how under these current circumstances it is better to have the technology than not, I do wonder what the long term outcomes of this will be on the emotional wellbeing of this generation.

Probably the biggest regret I have is that I am part of a generation who has left future generations a weary and depleted planet. Not completely broken, I hope, but thinking about heritage in this way keeps me highly motivated to make a change for sustainability in whatever ways I can.

24 September is an annual celebration of South African heritage. As a South African I have been profoundly influenced by my country’s natural and cultural heritage, for good and growth.

In a hopeful step, short term and long term, I have begun preparations to return to South Africa in 2022. I am thrilled to be joining the Rise of the Matriarch Expedition – an all-female adventure across South Africa to raise awareness and funds for the plight of Mama Africa’s wildlife. The ROTM crew will engage with local communities especially children on the human-wildlife issue and distribute Wonderful Wildlife Booklets (that I developed content for). We will connect with anti-poaching groups, visit conservation groups and schools, and meet with incredible women who are doing remarkable things at a grassroots level to assist in conservation efforts.

Ecowarrior and founder of the Blue Sky Society Trust, Carla Geyser, is the expedition leader of the 2022 Rise of the Matriarch Expedition .

In 2016, she led South Africa’s first all-female conservation expedition from Southern Africa to Kenya. They drove 15 787km over 100 days through 10 countries to help stem the tide of poaching. The crew of 13 “she-roes” raised nearly R300 000 for various conservation projects, drew widespread continental attention to elephant poaching crisis, distributed 20 000 conservation educational booklets to children and provided support to 37 wildlife organisations along the way.

In September 2018 she headed out again and lead another all-female crew. This time  across South Africa, Zimbabwe, Botswana and Namibia to raise awareness about the contentious human-wildlife conflict. Another very successful Rise of the Matriarch expedition.

I joined Carla on a Journey with Purpose expedition in 2019 for a boots-on-the-ground experience with Elephants Alive. I can’t wait to get back on the road with Carla in her Landy, Dora, next year. #LadyinaLandy

And so, I introduce Pelo Tales. – my Heart Art fundraiser for this expedition.

“Pelo” is heart in Setswana.

My art is an expression of the deeply creative connection I have to pure spaces, to beauty and most especially to Nature. Each painting represents a Heart Moment and so a little Pelo Tale to accompany it.

This is a series of canvases I painted during Covid-19 related lockdowns in 2020. Having to make do with what I had to hand and in the spirit of sustainability, each canvas has been recycled. Perfect in their imperfections and certainly one of a kind.

All the proceeds from the sale of my Heart Art goes towards the Rise of the Matriarch expeditions 2022. More details on the fundraising side of things coming soon.

In the meantime, I will be sharing some Pelo Tales here over the coming weeks in anticipation of wonderful adventures to come and in the spirit of sharing the heritage I am so inexpressibly grateful for 🖤